Yes, another reference to that amazing play I mentioned... It's good I say. And actually relevant to some of what I'm going to say here.
On a whim the other day, I took the S.A.G.E. - the Sex and Gender Explorer Test.
Sidenote: I think it's funny that the acronym is "sage" as in the spice or a wise person. Either way, I love interesting spices and I have great respect for the wise, so I thought that was sort of cool. It was probably deliberate, to spell a word meaning "wise" to reinforce the impression that its analysis of whoever's life was a knowledgeable and wise explanation, since the two are definitely not the same. But that gets weird to think about. I usually choose to stop at the "cool acronym!" phase.
I didn't expect my results to be life shattering, after all, my gender identity is very unlike my sexuality, which even now I'm unsure about (really, bisexual is just the closest recognizable fit for me. Depending on my mood, I range between bi-curious and asexual, but "bi-curious" sounds wishy-washy and asexual sounds like a biology term: no sex organs - even though I just mean I'm honestly not attracted to anyone. And bisexual is neatly between the two, sound- and meaning-wise, so I usually just say that. Really, I'm attracted to boys and girls about equally, but it's "barely at all" for both groups. And my mother is sort of… homophobic seems to be an understatement, because it's not fear she exudes, but hatred. With as major of an influence as she's been on my life, that slowed down the whole process of coming out, even to myself. Online, though, with a pseudonym on a blog she's never heard of, I can go to the other extreme and pretend I already know exactly what I am. Naturally, with the stage I'm at, if I'm meeting someone and they either seem homophobic, or I really don't know how they feel [if it comes up at all] I'll claim to be straight since that minimizes conflict, and might only be stretching the truth.) In contrast, I've always been confident and comfortable with my gender: female, assigned at birth to fit my body. Needless to say, I was a bit surprised when the test told me my mind was androgynous, since I've never really doubted that I was a girl.
A peek at what the test told me:
Your Raw Score is: -340, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous
Your appearance is Feminine
Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person.
You appear to socialize in a masculine manner.
You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity.
You indicated your were born Female.
ANALYSIS:
Female to Male Crossdresser
NOTES:
* Your Answers indicate your psychological state has likely prevailed since you were quite young.
* You are in a statistical minority as a anallophilic crossdresser. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Your motivation for crossdressing may be driven by the undirected nature of your sexuality, as a way to more fully explore the Male gender role.
Digging a little deeper, though, the results aren't really surprising…
Well, actually, not knowing what my "Raw Score" means, it's hard to be surprised or not by it. I don't know how the score -340 means I'm androgynous, but I suppose the subheadings might clear things up.
First, let's look at the fact that it has accused me of cross-dressing. I've hated skirts since I was little, and I have to have pockets since I don't like to have a purse to keep track of, but I still want to have my stuff with me. The pockets thing usually leads me to shop in the men's section of stores, because a lot of womens' clothing either doesn't have pockets, or has pathetically shallow pockets that I'd be hesitant to keep even my phone in. And, okay, I know that the buttons on polo shirts go different ways if the shirt is designed for a boy or a girl, but I know I have both in my closet, and I don't know which is which. So I wear boys' shirts too, apparently. And all of that combined makes me a cross-dresser. Okay, interesting. I don't deliberately cross-dress, but it is sort of funny to think about: the next time I'm introduced to someone - "hi, I'm a cross-dresser!" No, I'm too quiet for that, but what am I supposed to do with that new insight into my own mind? Interesting, also, that it differentiates between "heterosexual cross-dressers" (what does that even mean? As in, how are the ideas related?) and anallophilic (which apparently means "not liking another" or basically asexual) cross-dressing. (And there is no homosexual cross-dressing, so apparently your stereotypical drag queen isn't cross-dressing at all?) Confusing. But it's true that I don't get turned on by cross-dressing, which is apparently a common motivation.
Moving on. I look female. Well, of course I do. My body is normal-girl shaped and sized, and about the only way I care about my appearance is my hair (longish) so it looks very feminine. But there's really no surprises in this section. Unless there would have been a question about makeup, which of course I don't use, and if that answer had been significant enough to tell me I looked androgynous, well, that would be ridiculous, but I suppose that wouldn't surprise me much more. (Also, I was born female. That statement just reiterates exactly what I put for the last question. I'm pretty sure I know I was born female, and considering it was the last question, I remember what my answer was.)
I appear to socialize in a masculine manner. Well, I'm really talkative, and that's definitely a stereotype about females. But my best friends in elementary school were guys. (That's not true, my few REALLY close friends were all girls, but most of the friends I was comfortable enough with to deliberately hang out with were guys.) I also tend to be socially oblivious, and completely ignorant of fashion. So I suppose with all the relevant interpersonal interaction implied with those last two, I could reasonably be described as interacting in a masculine way. In theory, yes, I see where the test came up with that, but in practice, most of my close friends are girls now and I do enjoy long conversations and hanging out just to discuss life rather than constantly competing to one-up each other and never talking: the converse stereotype about boys. So here especially, I disagree with whoever made the test.
Finally, that word androgynous. My brain functions are mostly androgynous. Well, I suppose since I love reading (english and social studies are typically the "female domain" of education) and I'm also really good at math (male-dominated) and since apparently social interaction, etc have already been accounted for (in the last paragraph) I don't really know what else was factored into this section, so I can't agree or dispute it. I mean, yeah, I'm a mess of contradictions: I'm outdoorsy but periodically I freak about getting wet or muddy. I used to wear a bracelet that symbolically promised to obey God's will (I'm a Christian, remember, and by extension that meant to obey my parents…) and an anklet from my boyfriend at the time, that my parents seemed to be pressing me to break up with… (I didn't want to break up with him either, that's why I was still wearing it, but also keeping it hidden. An ankle is out of the way enough to not be seen under most circumstances.) But I don't see how those, or even my crazier contradictions, would affect analysis of how I THINK like a particular gender, (neither, as it turns out, but you know what I mean… The second example is conflicting sides of an emotional debate: typically drama you'd expect from a girl, if we're sticking with the stereotypes. It's not that my conflicting sides make me necessarily androgynous.)
I "believe [I] have mild conflicts about [my] gender identity." Hmm, really? The implication of that is a touch different than the option I clicked, which seemed to say I believe I have normal doubts about my gender identity. Little bit of a difference in connotation. But whatever, I'm sure that doesn't affect too much next to the subheadings already there, that tell me I'm female, male, and androgynous in different parts of my life, which seems to average out to androgynous.
So, in summary, I look like a girl and I don't hide it, but i think androgynously and I socialize like a boy. All that combined makes me androgynous? Okay, apparently so. I now know that much more about myself.
The bigger question is: how well can tests like this really describe people? My startling answers led me to some interesting introspection, but that included arguing that the answers were actually wrong. Personality quizzes of any sort (even more serious ones like this) can't describe you with anything more than the information you directly feed them, so why bother? Obviously you know as much about yourself as the quiz, so why can't introspection serve? Actually, I'm sure you know more about yourself than that. Where am I going with this? Just be smart: only you really know yourself. No one else can pretend to. Don't let someone else tell you who you are unless you're already positive it matches. Be yourself. That's all that matters.
Until next time.
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