(This topic was recommended to me by Kara. I'mma write on it and see where it goes.)
(The Free Dictionary) Desensitisation : the process of reducing sensitivity.
We throw the word around, never really thinking about exactly what it means to each of us and what it has DONE to each of us. I say this and now everybody stares at me going, "well of course we know what it means and what it's done"... Except for that's bullshit, of the purest kind.
It's obvious to me that we no longer know what it means - what it has done - when somebody who is close to me can relate a story to me which shows just how desensitised we really are. She tells me of a time that she saw a man in a blue jacket on a street corner being kicked in the head, and nobody seemed to care, much less do anything - people turning a blind eye in their cars or thinking "What are those hooligans up to now? Ah well, doesn't matter." Nobody knows the non-movie-staged emotional argument from beforehand, so what's the matter? As long as everybody's far enough away not to get involved themselves - and get hurt - it doesn't matter. Right?
Right?
No. WRONG. That is fucking WRONG, gang. I don't even know if there's a way for me to express the wrongness of it, not to mention the anger behind that sentiment I am feeling. Our society took a seriously wrong turn somewhere along the lines for the worse. The much worse.
It's not like that is an isolated incident. Where were the police when this was happening? Probably busy trying to do damage to civilians who were peacefully protesting the wrongfulness of our country at the moment - at the Occupy movements. They're there, while somewhere else, somebody on a street corner is getting his head kicked in because nobody will step up and HELP, much less the people with guns and badges (said in that order because they seem to like shooting first and asking questions later).
Oh yeah. If somebody who actually exercises their second amendment rights decides to get involved - that is to say, pulling a gun on the aggressor, if they pull the trigger, they can be indicted on murder charges, even though they're attempting to save another person's life. Vigilante or not, they're trying to help somebody. If they only shoot to maim or cause pain, they can be sued later for it by the ATTACKER. Make sense? Nope. But that's how it is. (This is a topic for another time.)
We don't care anymore. Human life no longer holds value except to a select few, and only then because they care about the person involved. We see it everyday - in person, on the television, on our online news outlet of choice. Human life just doesn't matter anymore. Sadly, I am no longer surprised when I see stories like this, just saddened.
Unfortunately, this connects all too well with a subject we all know I hold dear. Along with this general lack of caring about other's lives, it seems that life in the LGBTQ community is valued by even fewer. The news stories talking about a gay young man being beaten to a pulp, a lesbian taking her own life because of what her classmates said about her, a transgender person being beaten up in a McDonalds while the staff just looked on. Why is it?
We all have our own lives, our own problems. Maybe that's what it is, that we're too busy being self absorbed that we don't SEE what's going on to other people. Too busy worrying about making rent or paying the electric bill. Too busy trying to get to a job site so that we can get bitched at by the customer for their internet running too slow, or to work because we're late. Is that what it is? That we just simply fail to see what's going on? Or is it simply apathy?
Something's gotta change.
Until next time.
Peace.
2011/11/27
2011/11/24
Thanksgiving
Welcome... To... The Hollow Daze! (In case you can't interpret, that's holidays for you normal people...)
Why are the holidays a hollow daze? After a while, it's hard to have a happy time during these couple months when you realise how many people you have loved that can no longer be there to celebrate with you. It puts a pretty big damper on things, knowing that those people are no longer there physically to hug and hold, even though they are still in our hearts.
It's hard to stomach these days when you think about all the people you may know who don't have anybody to celebrate with, or have lost their loved ones. One specific (separated) couple I know lost their son, and now the holidays are just a time of hate and sadness for them. Having been a friend of their son, I understand how they feel, and it rather permeates my own feelings in the process. Being an Empath doesn't help...
All of it hurts - I wish there was another way to say that which would soften it, but in the end, there isn't. Thing is...
As much hatred as I have built up towards the hollowdaze, and everything else I still have reasons to be - and still am - thankful. I have amazing friends, an awesome girlfriend, more family than I can keep track of that are awesome - blood and non-blood - a great group of people at our church, and you guys. Because without readers, what's a blog worth? Not a whole lot... So thanks, gang.
Until next time. Happy Turkey Day.
Peace.
Why are the holidays a hollow daze? After a while, it's hard to have a happy time during these couple months when you realise how many people you have loved that can no longer be there to celebrate with you. It puts a pretty big damper on things, knowing that those people are no longer there physically to hug and hold, even though they are still in our hearts.
It's hard to stomach these days when you think about all the people you may know who don't have anybody to celebrate with, or have lost their loved ones. One specific (separated) couple I know lost their son, and now the holidays are just a time of hate and sadness for them. Having been a friend of their son, I understand how they feel, and it rather permeates my own feelings in the process. Being an Empath doesn't help...
All of it hurts - I wish there was another way to say that which would soften it, but in the end, there isn't. Thing is...
As much hatred as I have built up towards the hollowdaze, and everything else I still have reasons to be - and still am - thankful. I have amazing friends, an awesome girlfriend, more family than I can keep track of that are awesome - blood and non-blood - a great group of people at our church, and you guys. Because without readers, what's a blog worth? Not a whole lot... So thanks, gang.
Until next time. Happy Turkey Day.
Peace.
2011/11/20
"How can you know me?"
Yes, another reference to that amazing play I mentioned... It's good I say. And actually relevant to some of what I'm going to say here.
On a whim the other day, I took the S.A.G.E. - the Sex and Gender Explorer Test.
Sidenote: I think it's funny that the acronym is "sage" as in the spice or a wise person. Either way, I love interesting spices and I have great respect for the wise, so I thought that was sort of cool. It was probably deliberate, to spell a word meaning "wise" to reinforce the impression that its analysis of whoever's life was a knowledgeable and wise explanation, since the two are definitely not the same. But that gets weird to think about. I usually choose to stop at the "cool acronym!" phase.
I didn't expect my results to be life shattering, after all, my gender identity is very unlike my sexuality, which even now I'm unsure about (really, bisexual is just the closest recognizable fit for me. Depending on my mood, I range between bi-curious and asexual, but "bi-curious" sounds wishy-washy and asexual sounds like a biology term: no sex organs - even though I just mean I'm honestly not attracted to anyone. And bisexual is neatly between the two, sound- and meaning-wise, so I usually just say that. Really, I'm attracted to boys and girls about equally, but it's "barely at all" for both groups. And my mother is sort of… homophobic seems to be an understatement, because it's not fear she exudes, but hatred. With as major of an influence as she's been on my life, that slowed down the whole process of coming out, even to myself. Online, though, with a pseudonym on a blog she's never heard of, I can go to the other extreme and pretend I already know exactly what I am. Naturally, with the stage I'm at, if I'm meeting someone and they either seem homophobic, or I really don't know how they feel [if it comes up at all] I'll claim to be straight since that minimizes conflict, and might only be stretching the truth.) In contrast, I've always been confident and comfortable with my gender: female, assigned at birth to fit my body. Needless to say, I was a bit surprised when the test told me my mind was androgynous, since I've never really doubted that I was a girl.
A peek at what the test told me:
Your Raw Score is: -340, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous
Your appearance is Feminine
Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person.
You appear to socialize in a masculine manner.
You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity.
You indicated your were born Female.
ANALYSIS:
Female to Male Crossdresser
NOTES:
* Your Answers indicate your psychological state has likely prevailed since you were quite young.
* You are in a statistical minority as a anallophilic crossdresser. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Your motivation for crossdressing may be driven by the undirected nature of your sexuality, as a way to more fully explore the Male gender role.
Digging a little deeper, though, the results aren't really surprising…
Well, actually, not knowing what my "Raw Score" means, it's hard to be surprised or not by it. I don't know how the score -340 means I'm androgynous, but I suppose the subheadings might clear things up.
First, let's look at the fact that it has accused me of cross-dressing. I've hated skirts since I was little, and I have to have pockets since I don't like to have a purse to keep track of, but I still want to have my stuff with me. The pockets thing usually leads me to shop in the men's section of stores, because a lot of womens' clothing either doesn't have pockets, or has pathetically shallow pockets that I'd be hesitant to keep even my phone in. And, okay, I know that the buttons on polo shirts go different ways if the shirt is designed for a boy or a girl, but I know I have both in my closet, and I don't know which is which. So I wear boys' shirts too, apparently. And all of that combined makes me a cross-dresser. Okay, interesting. I don't deliberately cross-dress, but it is sort of funny to think about: the next time I'm introduced to someone - "hi, I'm a cross-dresser!" No, I'm too quiet for that, but what am I supposed to do with that new insight into my own mind? Interesting, also, that it differentiates between "heterosexual cross-dressers" (what does that even mean? As in, how are the ideas related?) and anallophilic (which apparently means "not liking another" or basically asexual) cross-dressing. (And there is no homosexual cross-dressing, so apparently your stereotypical drag queen isn't cross-dressing at all?) Confusing. But it's true that I don't get turned on by cross-dressing, which is apparently a common motivation.
Moving on. I look female. Well, of course I do. My body is normal-girl shaped and sized, and about the only way I care about my appearance is my hair (longish) so it looks very feminine. But there's really no surprises in this section. Unless there would have been a question about makeup, which of course I don't use, and if that answer had been significant enough to tell me I looked androgynous, well, that would be ridiculous, but I suppose that wouldn't surprise me much more. (Also, I was born female. That statement just reiterates exactly what I put for the last question. I'm pretty sure I know I was born female, and considering it was the last question, I remember what my answer was.)
I appear to socialize in a masculine manner. Well, I'm really talkative, and that's definitely a stereotype about females. But my best friends in elementary school were guys. (That's not true, my few REALLY close friends were all girls, but most of the friends I was comfortable enough with to deliberately hang out with were guys.) I also tend to be socially oblivious, and completely ignorant of fashion. So I suppose with all the relevant interpersonal interaction implied with those last two, I could reasonably be described as interacting in a masculine way. In theory, yes, I see where the test came up with that, but in practice, most of my close friends are girls now and I do enjoy long conversations and hanging out just to discuss life rather than constantly competing to one-up each other and never talking: the converse stereotype about boys. So here especially, I disagree with whoever made the test.
Finally, that word androgynous. My brain functions are mostly androgynous. Well, I suppose since I love reading (english and social studies are typically the "female domain" of education) and I'm also really good at math (male-dominated) and since apparently social interaction, etc have already been accounted for (in the last paragraph) I don't really know what else was factored into this section, so I can't agree or dispute it. I mean, yeah, I'm a mess of contradictions: I'm outdoorsy but periodically I freak about getting wet or muddy. I used to wear a bracelet that symbolically promised to obey God's will (I'm a Christian, remember, and by extension that meant to obey my parents…) and an anklet from my boyfriend at the time, that my parents seemed to be pressing me to break up with… (I didn't want to break up with him either, that's why I was still wearing it, but also keeping it hidden. An ankle is out of the way enough to not be seen under most circumstances.) But I don't see how those, or even my crazier contradictions, would affect analysis of how I THINK like a particular gender, (neither, as it turns out, but you know what I mean… The second example is conflicting sides of an emotional debate: typically drama you'd expect from a girl, if we're sticking with the stereotypes. It's not that my conflicting sides make me necessarily androgynous.)
I "believe [I] have mild conflicts about [my] gender identity." Hmm, really? The implication of that is a touch different than the option I clicked, which seemed to say I believe I have normal doubts about my gender identity. Little bit of a difference in connotation. But whatever, I'm sure that doesn't affect too much next to the subheadings already there, that tell me I'm female, male, and androgynous in different parts of my life, which seems to average out to androgynous.
So, in summary, I look like a girl and I don't hide it, but i think androgynously and I socialize like a boy. All that combined makes me androgynous? Okay, apparently so. I now know that much more about myself.
The bigger question is: how well can tests like this really describe people? My startling answers led me to some interesting introspection, but that included arguing that the answers were actually wrong. Personality quizzes of any sort (even more serious ones like this) can't describe you with anything more than the information you directly feed them, so why bother? Obviously you know as much about yourself as the quiz, so why can't introspection serve? Actually, I'm sure you know more about yourself than that. Where am I going with this? Just be smart: only you really know yourself. No one else can pretend to. Don't let someone else tell you who you are unless you're already positive it matches. Be yourself. That's all that matters.
Until next time.
On a whim the other day, I took the S.A.G.E. - the Sex and Gender Explorer Test.
Sidenote: I think it's funny that the acronym is "sage" as in the spice or a wise person. Either way, I love interesting spices and I have great respect for the wise, so I thought that was sort of cool. It was probably deliberate, to spell a word meaning "wise" to reinforce the impression that its analysis of whoever's life was a knowledgeable and wise explanation, since the two are definitely not the same. But that gets weird to think about. I usually choose to stop at the "cool acronym!" phase.
I didn't expect my results to be life shattering, after all, my gender identity is very unlike my sexuality, which even now I'm unsure about (really, bisexual is just the closest recognizable fit for me. Depending on my mood, I range between bi-curious and asexual, but "bi-curious" sounds wishy-washy and asexual sounds like a biology term: no sex organs - even though I just mean I'm honestly not attracted to anyone. And bisexual is neatly between the two, sound- and meaning-wise, so I usually just say that. Really, I'm attracted to boys and girls about equally, but it's "barely at all" for both groups. And my mother is sort of… homophobic seems to be an understatement, because it's not fear she exudes, but hatred. With as major of an influence as she's been on my life, that slowed down the whole process of coming out, even to myself. Online, though, with a pseudonym on a blog she's never heard of, I can go to the other extreme and pretend I already know exactly what I am. Naturally, with the stage I'm at, if I'm meeting someone and they either seem homophobic, or I really don't know how they feel [if it comes up at all] I'll claim to be straight since that minimizes conflict, and might only be stretching the truth.) In contrast, I've always been confident and comfortable with my gender: female, assigned at birth to fit my body. Needless to say, I was a bit surprised when the test told me my mind was androgynous, since I've never really doubted that I was a girl.
A peek at what the test told me:
Your Raw Score is: -340, which indicates that overall you are Androgynous
Your appearance is Feminine
Your brain processes are mostly that of a Androgynous person.
You appear to socialize in a masculine manner.
You believe you have mild conflicts about your gender identity.
You indicated your were born Female.
ANALYSIS:
Female to Male Crossdresser
NOTES:
* Your Answers indicate your psychological state has likely prevailed since you were quite young.
* You are in a statistical minority as a anallophilic crossdresser. Most crossdressers are heterosexual. Your motivation for crossdressing may be driven by the undirected nature of your sexuality, as a way to more fully explore the Male gender role.
Digging a little deeper, though, the results aren't really surprising…
Well, actually, not knowing what my "Raw Score" means, it's hard to be surprised or not by it. I don't know how the score -340 means I'm androgynous, but I suppose the subheadings might clear things up.
First, let's look at the fact that it has accused me of cross-dressing. I've hated skirts since I was little, and I have to have pockets since I don't like to have a purse to keep track of, but I still want to have my stuff with me. The pockets thing usually leads me to shop in the men's section of stores, because a lot of womens' clothing either doesn't have pockets, or has pathetically shallow pockets that I'd be hesitant to keep even my phone in. And, okay, I know that the buttons on polo shirts go different ways if the shirt is designed for a boy or a girl, but I know I have both in my closet, and I don't know which is which. So I wear boys' shirts too, apparently. And all of that combined makes me a cross-dresser. Okay, interesting. I don't deliberately cross-dress, but it is sort of funny to think about: the next time I'm introduced to someone - "hi, I'm a cross-dresser!" No, I'm too quiet for that, but what am I supposed to do with that new insight into my own mind? Interesting, also, that it differentiates between "heterosexual cross-dressers" (what does that even mean? As in, how are the ideas related?) and anallophilic (which apparently means "not liking another" or basically asexual) cross-dressing. (And there is no homosexual cross-dressing, so apparently your stereotypical drag queen isn't cross-dressing at all?) Confusing. But it's true that I don't get turned on by cross-dressing, which is apparently a common motivation.
Moving on. I look female. Well, of course I do. My body is normal-girl shaped and sized, and about the only way I care about my appearance is my hair (longish) so it looks very feminine. But there's really no surprises in this section. Unless there would have been a question about makeup, which of course I don't use, and if that answer had been significant enough to tell me I looked androgynous, well, that would be ridiculous, but I suppose that wouldn't surprise me much more. (Also, I was born female. That statement just reiterates exactly what I put for the last question. I'm pretty sure I know I was born female, and considering it was the last question, I remember what my answer was.)
I appear to socialize in a masculine manner. Well, I'm really talkative, and that's definitely a stereotype about females. But my best friends in elementary school were guys. (That's not true, my few REALLY close friends were all girls, but most of the friends I was comfortable enough with to deliberately hang out with were guys.) I also tend to be socially oblivious, and completely ignorant of fashion. So I suppose with all the relevant interpersonal interaction implied with those last two, I could reasonably be described as interacting in a masculine way. In theory, yes, I see where the test came up with that, but in practice, most of my close friends are girls now and I do enjoy long conversations and hanging out just to discuss life rather than constantly competing to one-up each other and never talking: the converse stereotype about boys. So here especially, I disagree with whoever made the test.
Finally, that word androgynous. My brain functions are mostly androgynous. Well, I suppose since I love reading (english and social studies are typically the "female domain" of education) and I'm also really good at math (male-dominated) and since apparently social interaction, etc have already been accounted for (in the last paragraph) I don't really know what else was factored into this section, so I can't agree or dispute it. I mean, yeah, I'm a mess of contradictions: I'm outdoorsy but periodically I freak about getting wet or muddy. I used to wear a bracelet that symbolically promised to obey God's will (I'm a Christian, remember, and by extension that meant to obey my parents…) and an anklet from my boyfriend at the time, that my parents seemed to be pressing me to break up with… (I didn't want to break up with him either, that's why I was still wearing it, but also keeping it hidden. An ankle is out of the way enough to not be seen under most circumstances.) But I don't see how those, or even my crazier contradictions, would affect analysis of how I THINK like a particular gender, (neither, as it turns out, but you know what I mean… The second example is conflicting sides of an emotional debate: typically drama you'd expect from a girl, if we're sticking with the stereotypes. It's not that my conflicting sides make me necessarily androgynous.)
I "believe [I] have mild conflicts about [my] gender identity." Hmm, really? The implication of that is a touch different than the option I clicked, which seemed to say I believe I have normal doubts about my gender identity. Little bit of a difference in connotation. But whatever, I'm sure that doesn't affect too much next to the subheadings already there, that tell me I'm female, male, and androgynous in different parts of my life, which seems to average out to androgynous.
So, in summary, I look like a girl and I don't hide it, but i think androgynously and I socialize like a boy. All that combined makes me androgynous? Okay, apparently so. I now know that much more about myself.
The bigger question is: how well can tests like this really describe people? My startling answers led me to some interesting introspection, but that included arguing that the answers were actually wrong. Personality quizzes of any sort (even more serious ones like this) can't describe you with anything more than the information you directly feed them, so why bother? Obviously you know as much about yourself as the quiz, so why can't introspection serve? Actually, I'm sure you know more about yourself than that. Where am I going with this? Just be smart: only you really know yourself. No one else can pretend to. Don't let someone else tell you who you are unless you're already positive it matches. Be yourself. That's all that matters.
Until next time.
2011/11/19
What Does it Mean?
This morning, my girlfriend and I spent five hours at our church for a "church work day". It was a morning (and partial afternoon) of fun and carrying on, a social day as much as it was a work day. In what was once a music room in the church, we are creating a coffee shop where people from the community can come and do various... whatever. Drink coffee, get on their computers, at some times watch musicians perform. This was the first morning of work, and was mainly a painting morning. I currently have paint in random places on my arms, probably on my face, and most definitely on my t-shirt. I did a fair amount of physical lifting and moving stuff - including taking some stuff that was at least fifty plus pounds out to the dumpster - thank goodness I wasn't doing it all by myself. After the moving though, I was stuck on painting the windows. (Not literally the windows, but the frames.)
Well, this is me. I am extremely OCD, which constitutes that when you stick me on a project like that, don't expect me to stop until it is perfect. So, of course, on the bottom part of the window I worked on and the other pieces I worked on, there is absolutely no white left. It's all brown - the main colour of the room. There were five or six guys who worked in the coffee shop, painting and doing other tasks. My girlfriend and a couple other women cleaned out some other areas in the church. It was nice to get as much done as we did today, even though we didn't finish the shop.
Some other stuff happened - cleaning out the refrigerator in the kitchen (we got some food), and I got a case that most people use to hold and transport music gear. I, being the audio person I am, and having the gear I have, definitely can use this case, so I got it. Woot!
Afterwards, we all trooped downstairs to the fellowship hall and ate lunch. Before we ate though, one of the guys who was giving the marching orders for the painting gave a.... I guess "mini-sermon" would be a good term here. The basic gist of it came down to the fact that we all cursed a little while we were working upstairs - that's how it goes when you're doing physical work - and there were a couple minor issues between people (don't ask). He asked us, "What does it mean to be a Christian?" As he put it, as a Christian, he doesn't like using "swear words". It was a bit of a muddled sermon (sort of like my rants on here!) but made a fair amount of sense, as a Christian or not.
For me, it's language. Language is just that - language. The usage of words is a normal part of our lives, as it is how we communicate with one another. As somebody once told me, terms like "fuck", "shit", "damn", whatever, are just words. Nothing else. At some point, some... person... decided that those words were inappropriate and should not be used in regular conversation. This is not how I see it. I have dropped the "f-bomb" at least once while running sound, in the Sanctuary, in a Sunday morning service. What does it mean? Nothing. It's a word with four letters that normally means that something has gone wrong. You know another four letter word that means something has gone wrong? "Oops." "Oops" and "fuck" mean the same thing in my mind. Just that "fuck" has permeated my language moreso than "oops".
My (other) mom has ragged on her daughter not to say "foul words". Of course, she uses them constantly, as do I in their presence. I think this has caused my sister to use them more, which mom doesn't have many issues with, s'long as she uses them sparingly. I, of course, don't give a flying fuck. I'm pretty sure that I'm a bad influence on her when it comes to things like that... But oh well.
The guy giving his mini-sermon uses "foul language" himself once in a while - he dropped "shit" at least once this morning, but it didn't phase any of us. Why would it? In our society, those words are used so commonly that it shouldn't matter - but people make it a matter. In the end, it's perspective.
So what does it mean? Nothing. Perspective is how we view our lives, and our language. I have no issues using "foul" language for the simple fact that my perspective says that the "foul" language is nothing our of the normal. My father used it constantly, we used it in school from about seventh grade on, and at my most recent job, we cursed so much that the place might as well have been impossible to see through from the blue smog.
It didn't matter though. We got our point across, and it was normal. The wording is normal. It's how it is.
What does it mean? I don't know about you, but it doesn't mean shit to me.
Until next time.
Peace.
Well, this is me. I am extremely OCD, which constitutes that when you stick me on a project like that, don't expect me to stop until it is perfect. So, of course, on the bottom part of the window I worked on and the other pieces I worked on, there is absolutely no white left. It's all brown - the main colour of the room. There were five or six guys who worked in the coffee shop, painting and doing other tasks. My girlfriend and a couple other women cleaned out some other areas in the church. It was nice to get as much done as we did today, even though we didn't finish the shop.
Some other stuff happened - cleaning out the refrigerator in the kitchen (we got some food), and I got a case that most people use to hold and transport music gear. I, being the audio person I am, and having the gear I have, definitely can use this case, so I got it. Woot!
Afterwards, we all trooped downstairs to the fellowship hall and ate lunch. Before we ate though, one of the guys who was giving the marching orders for the painting gave a.... I guess "mini-sermon" would be a good term here. The basic gist of it came down to the fact that we all cursed a little while we were working upstairs - that's how it goes when you're doing physical work - and there were a couple minor issues between people (don't ask). He asked us, "What does it mean to be a Christian?" As he put it, as a Christian, he doesn't like using "swear words". It was a bit of a muddled sermon (sort of like my rants on here!) but made a fair amount of sense, as a Christian or not.
For me, it's language. Language is just that - language. The usage of words is a normal part of our lives, as it is how we communicate with one another. As somebody once told me, terms like "fuck", "shit", "damn", whatever, are just words. Nothing else. At some point, some... person... decided that those words were inappropriate and should not be used in regular conversation. This is not how I see it. I have dropped the "f-bomb" at least once while running sound, in the Sanctuary, in a Sunday morning service. What does it mean? Nothing. It's a word with four letters that normally means that something has gone wrong. You know another four letter word that means something has gone wrong? "Oops." "Oops" and "fuck" mean the same thing in my mind. Just that "fuck" has permeated my language moreso than "oops".
My (other) mom has ragged on her daughter not to say "foul words". Of course, she uses them constantly, as do I in their presence. I think this has caused my sister to use them more, which mom doesn't have many issues with, s'long as she uses them sparingly. I, of course, don't give a flying fuck. I'm pretty sure that I'm a bad influence on her when it comes to things like that... But oh well.
The guy giving his mini-sermon uses "foul language" himself once in a while - he dropped "shit" at least once this morning, but it didn't phase any of us. Why would it? In our society, those words are used so commonly that it shouldn't matter - but people make it a matter. In the end, it's perspective.
So what does it mean? Nothing. Perspective is how we view our lives, and our language. I have no issues using "foul" language for the simple fact that my perspective says that the "foul" language is nothing our of the normal. My father used it constantly, we used it in school from about seventh grade on, and at my most recent job, we cursed so much that the place might as well have been impossible to see through from the blue smog.
It didn't matter though. We got our point across, and it was normal. The wording is normal. It's how it is.
What does it mean? I don't know about you, but it doesn't mean shit to me.
Until next time.
Peace.
2011/11/17
More Intros
Hey all,
It seems Katie beat me to the punch, but let me introduce myself anyway. Kara Sanders. Crazy (in the good way) friend of Katie's, and actually just about everyone else. I'm the sort of person that hangs out with everyone: nerds, jocks, techies, the GSA crowd, church folk, and yes, even some cheerleaders. Actually, I hate using labels to describe anyone, but the English language only has so much leeway for expressing the range of different attitudes, talents, and personalities my friends have. Stereotypes are a pet peeve of mine, but I shouldn't go into a rant just yet - you still don't know me.
Since people often seem surprised, let me clarify: yes, I'm a Christian, and bisexual, but they don't have to be mutually exclusive… well, not necessarily. I find myself avoiding the subject in both arenas. It's just easier that way. I can't stomach conflict, in any form. On the other hand, my choice to be quiet at times doesn't stop me from having opinions - strong ones in fact. The conversation that led to me being invited to join as a co-author started when I requested a particular rant be expressed. Something I saw just angered me, severely, and… I won't spoil it, though. Katie promises me she's got the topic covered. It'll be up soon, ideally.
You know, it's hard to just introduce myself. I never know what to say. I think a play I saw the other day summed it up best, in the line that was repeated at the beginning and end, and a variant stated by almost every character in the middle, "You think you know me. You think you've got me pegged. But you don't. How could you? I don't even know myself." I really like that line. (Yes, The Wrestling Season is awesome. And it usually takes a lot to impress me, but I might reference this one fairly often for the first couple weeks I'm around. It was powerful and oddly worthwhile, for a school play.)
Honestly, with as many facts as I could tell you about myself, nothing I could say would describe me with anything close to a full picture, so I don't think I'll try. You readers should be perfectly capable of judging me by what I say and how I act, not just who I claim to be.
I'm sure you're still curious about me, though, so let me share a few tidbits you aren't likely to hear about in any of my rants.
- I have a slight obsession for logic puzzles. These include mazes, by loose definition, and the standard sudoku and cross-sums, but my favorite are Picross: what Games magazine calls "Paint by Numbers" and a korean website calls 니모니모 ("nemo nemo" and no, there's no meaningful translation.) I don't expect many people to have heard of these puzzles, but that is definitely my favorite type. EDIT: Excuse me, I stand corrected. 니모 apparently means square, but "square-square" puzzles as a title make about as much sense as "paint by numbers." But there is actually a halfway meaningful translation of the title.
- I'm a closet romantic: even when I know that a situation can't be resolved, I always manage to convince myself that it will work out perfectly in the end, like a book. This applies to my relationships, definitely, but also to how I treat life in general. For that reason, whenever things DON'T work out anywhere close to ideally, I get really upset, because I inevitably have failed to mentally prepare myself for such a shortcoming.
- you will never EVER catch me in a skirt. I despise the things. I've always been an outdoorsy sort, and ever since I found out I would get in trouble for climbing a tree in my church dress, (or any dress at all) I learned to hate them. Not that I would judge anyone else for wearing a skirt. They're just not for me. (Makeup is another topic I think of similarly, but I might get around to a good discussion on its downfalls eventually.)
- You probably will notice this, but it's still worth saying: I love music. I am a musician, and I can always tie what I'm talking about to the lyrics of a song that I like. Frequently, I mention it too, but I know better than to assume that everyone knows the same obscure music I listen to, so I won't always express the connection.
- I love writing, but I'm not sure whether I am better at producing fiction or nonfiction. Fiction is harder, but usually more fun to write, if school experiences can predict anything, but I've never written a blog for school. I guess we'll find out together.
And that's all for now.
More again later.
It seems Katie beat me to the punch, but let me introduce myself anyway. Kara Sanders. Crazy (in the good way) friend of Katie's, and actually just about everyone else. I'm the sort of person that hangs out with everyone: nerds, jocks, techies, the GSA crowd, church folk, and yes, even some cheerleaders. Actually, I hate using labels to describe anyone, but the English language only has so much leeway for expressing the range of different attitudes, talents, and personalities my friends have. Stereotypes are a pet peeve of mine, but I shouldn't go into a rant just yet - you still don't know me.
Since people often seem surprised, let me clarify: yes, I'm a Christian, and bisexual, but they don't have to be mutually exclusive… well, not necessarily. I find myself avoiding the subject in both arenas. It's just easier that way. I can't stomach conflict, in any form. On the other hand, my choice to be quiet at times doesn't stop me from having opinions - strong ones in fact. The conversation that led to me being invited to join as a co-author started when I requested a particular rant be expressed. Something I saw just angered me, severely, and… I won't spoil it, though. Katie promises me she's got the topic covered. It'll be up soon, ideally.
You know, it's hard to just introduce myself. I never know what to say. I think a play I saw the other day summed it up best, in the line that was repeated at the beginning and end, and a variant stated by almost every character in the middle, "You think you know me. You think you've got me pegged. But you don't. How could you? I don't even know myself." I really like that line. (Yes, The Wrestling Season is awesome. And it usually takes a lot to impress me, but I might reference this one fairly often for the first couple weeks I'm around. It was powerful and oddly worthwhile, for a school play.)
Honestly, with as many facts as I could tell you about myself, nothing I could say would describe me with anything close to a full picture, so I don't think I'll try. You readers should be perfectly capable of judging me by what I say and how I act, not just who I claim to be.
I'm sure you're still curious about me, though, so let me share a few tidbits you aren't likely to hear about in any of my rants.
- I have a slight obsession for logic puzzles. These include mazes, by loose definition, and the standard sudoku and cross-sums, but my favorite are Picross: what Games magazine calls "Paint by Numbers" and a korean website calls 니모니모 ("nemo nemo" and no, there's no meaningful translation.) I don't expect many people to have heard of these puzzles, but that is definitely my favorite type. EDIT: Excuse me, I stand corrected. 니모 apparently means square, but "square-square" puzzles as a title make about as much sense as "paint by numbers." But there is actually a halfway meaningful translation of the title.
- I'm a closet romantic: even when I know that a situation can't be resolved, I always manage to convince myself that it will work out perfectly in the end, like a book. This applies to my relationships, definitely, but also to how I treat life in general. For that reason, whenever things DON'T work out anywhere close to ideally, I get really upset, because I inevitably have failed to mentally prepare myself for such a shortcoming.
- you will never EVER catch me in a skirt. I despise the things. I've always been an outdoorsy sort, and ever since I found out I would get in trouble for climbing a tree in my church dress, (or any dress at all) I learned to hate them. Not that I would judge anyone else for wearing a skirt. They're just not for me. (Makeup is another topic I think of similarly, but I might get around to a good discussion on its downfalls eventually.)
- You probably will notice this, but it's still worth saying: I love music. I am a musician, and I can always tie what I'm talking about to the lyrics of a song that I like. Frequently, I mention it too, but I know better than to assume that everyone knows the same obscure music I listen to, so I won't always express the connection.
- I love writing, but I'm not sure whether I am better at producing fiction or nonfiction. Fiction is harder, but usually more fun to write, if school experiences can predict anything, but I've never written a blog for school. I guess we'll find out together.
And that's all for now.
More again later.
2011/11/16
New author!
Hey gang. I know this blog has only been up a couple months, but a friend of mine and I were talking tonight, and she has views she wants to put up to, which happen to fit pretty well with what I already talk about (you know, what's WRONG with this fucked up world)....
Introducing: Kara Sanders. Friend of mine. Somebody who knows plenty about the issues in this world. Bisexual. An ex of mine turned best friend.
She'll probably be sticking within the realms of politics, personal, and huge issues - things that majorly piss us off. She's a pretty damned good writer, and I'm looking forward to seeing her posts.
Just figured I'd give everybody a heads up.
Until next time!
Peace.
Introducing: Kara Sanders. Friend of mine. Somebody who knows plenty about the issues in this world. Bisexual. An ex of mine turned best friend.
She'll probably be sticking within the realms of politics, personal, and huge issues - things that majorly piss us off. She's a pretty damned good writer, and I'm looking forward to seeing her posts.
Just figured I'd give everybody a heads up.
Until next time!
Peace.
2011/11/15
Gender Roles
(From Urban Dictinoary)
Bigender:
1. "A bi-gender person is someone who experiences mental swings between genders. Their charactaristics or mannerisms change from male to female depending on the situation."
2. "The tendency to move between masculine and feminine gender-typed behaviour depending on context, expressing a distinctly male persona and a distinctly female persona.
While an androgynous person retains the same gender-typed behaviour across situations, the bigendered person purposely changes their gender-role behaviour for the situation. It is particularly noteworthy that this concept emerged from within the transgender community rather than being adopted by the transgender community after it was created by another sub-culture (e.g. transsexual was defined first by the mental health community)."
Sounds about right. I quote these 'definitions' for a purpose. As a race, we have divided ourselves into two genders - male and female - and each of these has a specific role it plays in society. Most situations tend to call on one of the roles, giving one gender or the other a possible "advantage". (I use that term rather sarcastically in that advantages are only what one makes of them.) As a member of the Bi-Gender community, I too swing a little on the spectrum depending on the situation. When I'm angry, my male side tends to come out, whereas my female side will come out when I am in creativity mode. Those are just a couple examples.
I wouldn't even know where to start when it came to trying to give a lot of examples to each side, simply because it really depends on the person in the situation. I respond differently than my girlfriend or my roommate. Maybe my girlfriend's anger manifests as her girl side - because we all have at least a tiny bit of the opposite gender in us. It all depends on the person.
Along with the emotional roles are the physical roles. For instance, teaching was, until fairly recently, a female dominated profession, whereas commercial truck driving was a male dominated profession. Now, though, we're seeing a blurring of these roles - male teachers, female CDL drivers. Having gone through public school for fourteen years and then a year of college, I have seen at least the teaching myself. I had several male teachers in many grades - for instance, my fifth grade teacher was male (even more rare than the sixth grade and up). Haven't seen as much evidence of female CDL drivers, but seeing as how much I used to drive, and how many times I've been at truck stops, I have seen a few women there (that casual observation turned up were actually drivers).
Another couple examples that are pretty close to my own heart : technology and music. Technology is easy, music not so much. The tech field is a fairly male dominated one, as evidenced by my former company - up until the last couple months I was there, it was a male only operation (not through discrimination, just in general). Even when a woman did join, she was the admin - she did know her tech pretty well though, I was impressed. Back when I worked in the school district, it was actually more of an across the board - I worked in Educational Technology, and it was about half and half. Aside : That group was pretty awesome. Music is a bit more muddled. I have played in both the (school) band and orchestra, and in both, it was a pretty mixed group, with a few exceptions. For instance, as a Tuba player, while I was playing, we didn't have any female players. And as an upright Bass player for three years, it was up until my last year that I was either the only one, or one of two males. I have heard on occasion of a female tuba player, and my most recent ex-girlfriend was a Bass player (and a damned good one too). In the Violin section, there were only a couple males, while the Viola and Cello sections were pretty well mixed.
One more example and I'll have beat this horse to death and then some : Leadership. For a good portion of history, our leaders have been male, while the females have done house work or other labor such as that. (There is nothing wrong with it unless somebody is forcing it that way.) Up until recently, it was not even viable for a woman to run for President, or many other positions of power - Senate, House of Reps. On a much smaller level, back in High School, I was in the Student Technology Leadership Program. For the four years I was there, our leadership was either fully male or mostly male. It took until I was out of there that a female leadership finally came along (except one position).
Having beat it... I hope I've made at least somewhat of a point. One of the primary parts of being Bi-Gender is that - the splitting of gender roles. I fluctuate depending on what the situation is between male and female. It's taken a couple thousand years (and then some) to finally get to the point where our societies are shifting towards this mixing of roles. Here's to hoping they continue to intermix, because that will be one giant leap for us.
Here's to hope.
Until next time.
Peace.
Bigender:
1. "A bi-gender person is someone who experiences mental swings between genders. Their charactaristics or mannerisms change from male to female depending on the situation."
2. "The tendency to move between masculine and feminine gender-typed behaviour depending on context, expressing a distinctly male persona and a distinctly female persona.
While an androgynous person retains the same gender-typed behaviour across situations, the bigendered person purposely changes their gender-role behaviour for the situation. It is particularly noteworthy that this concept emerged from within the transgender community rather than being adopted by the transgender community after it was created by another sub-culture (e.g. transsexual was defined first by the mental health community)."
Sounds about right. I quote these 'definitions' for a purpose. As a race, we have divided ourselves into two genders - male and female - and each of these has a specific role it plays in society. Most situations tend to call on one of the roles, giving one gender or the other a possible "advantage". (I use that term rather sarcastically in that advantages are only what one makes of them.) As a member of the Bi-Gender community, I too swing a little on the spectrum depending on the situation. When I'm angry, my male side tends to come out, whereas my female side will come out when I am in creativity mode. Those are just a couple examples.
I wouldn't even know where to start when it came to trying to give a lot of examples to each side, simply because it really depends on the person in the situation. I respond differently than my girlfriend or my roommate. Maybe my girlfriend's anger manifests as her girl side - because we all have at least a tiny bit of the opposite gender in us. It all depends on the person.
Along with the emotional roles are the physical roles. For instance, teaching was, until fairly recently, a female dominated profession, whereas commercial truck driving was a male dominated profession. Now, though, we're seeing a blurring of these roles - male teachers, female CDL drivers. Having gone through public school for fourteen years and then a year of college, I have seen at least the teaching myself. I had several male teachers in many grades - for instance, my fifth grade teacher was male (even more rare than the sixth grade and up). Haven't seen as much evidence of female CDL drivers, but seeing as how much I used to drive, and how many times I've been at truck stops, I have seen a few women there (that casual observation turned up were actually drivers).
Another couple examples that are pretty close to my own heart : technology and music. Technology is easy, music not so much. The tech field is a fairly male dominated one, as evidenced by my former company - up until the last couple months I was there, it was a male only operation (not through discrimination, just in general). Even when a woman did join, she was the admin - she did know her tech pretty well though, I was impressed. Back when I worked in the school district, it was actually more of an across the board - I worked in Educational Technology, and it was about half and half. Aside : That group was pretty awesome. Music is a bit more muddled. I have played in both the (school) band and orchestra, and in both, it was a pretty mixed group, with a few exceptions. For instance, as a Tuba player, while I was playing, we didn't have any female players. And as an upright Bass player for three years, it was up until my last year that I was either the only one, or one of two males. I have heard on occasion of a female tuba player, and my most recent ex-girlfriend was a Bass player (and a damned good one too). In the Violin section, there were only a couple males, while the Viola and Cello sections were pretty well mixed.
One more example and I'll have beat this horse to death and then some : Leadership. For a good portion of history, our leaders have been male, while the females have done house work or other labor such as that. (There is nothing wrong with it unless somebody is forcing it that way.) Up until recently, it was not even viable for a woman to run for President, or many other positions of power - Senate, House of Reps. On a much smaller level, back in High School, I was in the Student Technology Leadership Program. For the four years I was there, our leadership was either fully male or mostly male. It took until I was out of there that a female leadership finally came along (except one position).
Having beat it... I hope I've made at least somewhat of a point. One of the primary parts of being Bi-Gender is that - the splitting of gender roles. I fluctuate depending on what the situation is between male and female. It's taken a couple thousand years (and then some) to finally get to the point where our societies are shifting towards this mixing of roles. Here's to hoping they continue to intermix, because that will be one giant leap for us.
Here's to hope.
Until next time.
Peace.
2011/11/11
Occupy (Insertplacehere)
(WARNING: POLITICS AHEAD.)
Iraq Vet Critically Wounded
^^ There are no words to describe how incredibly wrong this is. None. A Marine - a discharged United States Marine, but a Marine none the less - gets shot in the head by Oakland police while at a peaceful demonstration of his rights. Olsen spent two tours overseas, and then comes home - to this?! What the hell is wrong with this, people?! They say that the Oakland police opened an investigation into the case, including what munitions were used in the quelling of these protestors. Um, sorry, but that's BULLSHIT. There is no way the police should have even been firing off anything, period. There are no words to describe just how furious this makes me. Unfortunately, this is only one of many articles that I have seen involving the Occupy (insertplacehere). One Marine managed to get away with facing thirty police officers and didn't get taken down - a lucky move, I'm thinking, although I doubt even thirty cops could have taken him down - but he is one of the few who didn't get hurt in the process. Others have been beaten, arrested, and just in general had physical harm brought on them because they were using their constitutional rights to try and change what is a truly fucked up and broken system. (I'm not even going to bother posting all the youtube videos I've seen.)
I saw a picture the other day of a sign, and it said "The four branches of government". Underneath, it had $ CORPORATE $ and then lines going to the JUDICIAL, EXECUTIVE, and LEGISLATIVE branches, each equal underneath the corporate marking. Unfortunately, it's what the truth is anymore. Our system, our way of life, is completely fucked up. It is being run by a bunch of corporate overlords, who are playing us all just to make more money for themselves. That's what this entire Occupy (insertplacehere) is about! The top couple percent - mainly the corporate overlords - and the bottom ninety eight - those of us who have to WORK for a living, and those of us who can't even do that because those corporates decided that our jobs weren't worth enough to make it possible for us to keep working. Even those of us who can manage to work for a living are barely scraping by, because we are at minimum wage and barely make enough to pay the rent, get food, pay utilities, maybe have a car, et cetera!
How is this right?
It isn't. There's nothing right about any of this. At all. Something needs to change, and it needs to change soon. This country has more problems right now than solutions - two separate wars overseas, our own unarmed citizens protesting and getting beaten by their own domestic police forces because the police can't contain themselves, all on top of a financial crisis and all the big-wigs not caring enough to do anything about it. Because, you know, they're that top couple percent that doesn't give a shit about the knaves and plebians that are so far below them.
My roommate and I occasionally joke with each other - "UNHAND ME, KNAVE!" as if we were rulers and the other were a plebian. Unfortunately, there's too much of a parallel there for me between the rest of this country and here at home...
Fortunately, Scott Olsen is doing okay now - stable and in fair condition. Even so, he can't speak, because the "police projectile" hit him near his speech centre. He can't talk. The sons of bitches made him at least temporarily mute, if not permanently. I'm sorry, but there is nothing to excuse that behaviour. At all. A peaceful protestor, maimed because he was just there? No excuse.
What has this fucked up excuse for a country come to?
The other day, my girlfriend and I got into a discussion. One of my former (female) teachers was getting married the next day to her girlfriend, which threw me, because we live in Kentucky - one of the most back water states in the entire US, right behind Texas and maybe a couple others - and right now, gay marriage is not legal here. My girlfriend says that a bunch of states are legalizing it, which isn't as true as I wish it was. With all of the research I've done, all the news I read, I'd have noticed if the number has increased. It hasn't. It still stands at six, and then D.C. She then said we needed a tolerant president - one who would pass a law granting federal same-gender marriage rights. This upset me in the extreme. Obama is a supporter of same-gender marriage, and I believe that he would do something about it if it were at all within his power. Unfortunately, it's not.
Between the corporate-backed Republican/Conservatives in the House and Senate, and too many idiots in our maybe-formerly-great country, it's extremely implausible for the President to try to pass a law such as that, declaring same-gender marriage legal. Of all the recent Presidents, our current one is the most likely to be able to do something about it, but without the backing of at least a sizable portion of the rest of our idiots-in-charge, there isn't really anything he can do.
Welcome to reality. It sucks. It's time to change it. I wish I could be out there with the other protestors, because it's time to do something about it - and they are. I applaud them, and they have the support of more of us than I think anybody realises. For this, I am glad.
Until next time.
Peace.
Iraq Vet Critically Wounded
^^ There are no words to describe how incredibly wrong this is. None. A Marine - a discharged United States Marine, but a Marine none the less - gets shot in the head by Oakland police while at a peaceful demonstration of his rights. Olsen spent two tours overseas, and then comes home - to this?! What the hell is wrong with this, people?! They say that the Oakland police opened an investigation into the case, including what munitions were used in the quelling of these protestors. Um, sorry, but that's BULLSHIT. There is no way the police should have even been firing off anything, period. There are no words to describe just how furious this makes me. Unfortunately, this is only one of many articles that I have seen involving the Occupy (insertplacehere). One Marine managed to get away with facing thirty police officers and didn't get taken down - a lucky move, I'm thinking, although I doubt even thirty cops could have taken him down - but he is one of the few who didn't get hurt in the process. Others have been beaten, arrested, and just in general had physical harm brought on them because they were using their constitutional rights to try and change what is a truly fucked up and broken system. (I'm not even going to bother posting all the youtube videos I've seen.)
I saw a picture the other day of a sign, and it said "The four branches of government". Underneath, it had $ CORPORATE $ and then lines going to the JUDICIAL, EXECUTIVE, and LEGISLATIVE branches, each equal underneath the corporate marking. Unfortunately, it's what the truth is anymore. Our system, our way of life, is completely fucked up. It is being run by a bunch of corporate overlords, who are playing us all just to make more money for themselves. That's what this entire Occupy (insertplacehere) is about! The top couple percent - mainly the corporate overlords - and the bottom ninety eight - those of us who have to WORK for a living, and those of us who can't even do that because those corporates decided that our jobs weren't worth enough to make it possible for us to keep working. Even those of us who can manage to work for a living are barely scraping by, because we are at minimum wage and barely make enough to pay the rent, get food, pay utilities, maybe have a car, et cetera!
How is this right?
It isn't. There's nothing right about any of this. At all. Something needs to change, and it needs to change soon. This country has more problems right now than solutions - two separate wars overseas, our own unarmed citizens protesting and getting beaten by their own domestic police forces because the police can't contain themselves, all on top of a financial crisis and all the big-wigs not caring enough to do anything about it. Because, you know, they're that top couple percent that doesn't give a shit about the knaves and plebians that are so far below them.
My roommate and I occasionally joke with each other - "UNHAND ME, KNAVE!" as if we were rulers and the other were a plebian. Unfortunately, there's too much of a parallel there for me between the rest of this country and here at home...
Fortunately, Scott Olsen is doing okay now - stable and in fair condition. Even so, he can't speak, because the "police projectile" hit him near his speech centre. He can't talk. The sons of bitches made him at least temporarily mute, if not permanently. I'm sorry, but there is nothing to excuse that behaviour. At all. A peaceful protestor, maimed because he was just there? No excuse.
What has this fucked up excuse for a country come to?
The other day, my girlfriend and I got into a discussion. One of my former (female) teachers was getting married the next day to her girlfriend, which threw me, because we live in Kentucky - one of the most back water states in the entire US, right behind Texas and maybe a couple others - and right now, gay marriage is not legal here. My girlfriend says that a bunch of states are legalizing it, which isn't as true as I wish it was. With all of the research I've done, all the news I read, I'd have noticed if the number has increased. It hasn't. It still stands at six, and then D.C. She then said we needed a tolerant president - one who would pass a law granting federal same-gender marriage rights. This upset me in the extreme. Obama is a supporter of same-gender marriage, and I believe that he would do something about it if it were at all within his power. Unfortunately, it's not.
Between the corporate-backed Republican/Conservatives in the House and Senate, and too many idiots in our maybe-formerly-great country, it's extremely implausible for the President to try to pass a law such as that, declaring same-gender marriage legal. Of all the recent Presidents, our current one is the most likely to be able to do something about it, but without the backing of at least a sizable portion of the rest of our idiots-in-charge, there isn't really anything he can do.
Welcome to reality. It sucks. It's time to change it. I wish I could be out there with the other protestors, because it's time to do something about it - and they are. I applaud them, and they have the support of more of us than I think anybody realises. For this, I am glad.
Until next time.
Peace.
2011/11/06
Moving 3 (The Final Part)
So yeah. I fail. I should have posted three weeks ago, but things have been all over. Sorry for not posting.
Gotta admit. I didn't expect everything that happened with this move. We've run into a lot of issues recently, and have been working through them. When we first moved in, my desk was in the living room, taking up a heck of a lot of the room. Last night, my girlfriend and I moved it into our bedroom, which now has about... maybe six square feet of uncovered floor. One of the issues we've had has been clothes.... We have lots. I never realised just how much clothing one person can have! And of course, trying to do that much laundry in one go around is very hard when you're hand washing and hang drying. The seriously limiting factor though is hangars - we don't have nearly enough. We need about a hundred fifty more - yeah, that's a shit-ton, but we both hang all our clothing up. Fortunately, I had a dresser waiting for the move in, so we've been using that to store some of our clothing. Of course, with all the dirty clothing, it's scattered. On the floor.
My OCD is killing me.
Our other roommate and I are both on the job hunt, which sucks. I recently got wind though of a job with the school district, where I worked before as a student. I applied and am hoping against all hope that I will get a call on that one, an interview, and finally get hired. Not the greatest money - it is a government job - but hey, a job's a job, and the school district isn't a bad place to work. We've run into some issues in the financial department too. My girlfriend was out of work for two weeks from jaw surgery - don't ask - and so things are a little hairy at the moment. Hence the desperate need for a job. Uck.
Brighter side though. I have several pieces of music equipment - mainly recording items - items that I couldn't exactly show my parents because of other issues. Nice thing about moving out, I can have them wherever I want now. My laptop's charger died about a week ago - completely died - so right now, my laptop is out of commission until we can get the financial situation back to the point where I can buy a new charger. This has put a strain on my ability to do anything recording wise, until today, when I finally got really tired of it and did some experimentation. The interface I have actually drops right in to Linux with no issues, but up until now, I've been having issues using it with Audacity. Today, I did some hacking around and made it work. I then spent part of the afternoon just revelling in the glory of it, studio headphones and all, listening to music. So much fun, I'm telling you.
Anyways. Something that has sort of plagued me about this entire move has been the loss of certain things. Not having my own car is very hard to deal with - having to rely on others to take me somewhere, or the bus system, which is either unreliable or simply too damned slow. With the financial issues, we've been having problems keeping a whole lot of food around, although certain friends are helping with that, little pieces. The other part, the part that I guess gets me the most, is being so far from certain people. My "surrogate" family - my (second non-blood) mother and (non-blood) sister live on the other side of town though, making it very hard to see them except on occasion. Fortunately, Mom picks me up after work occasionally (third shift) and will take me over to their apartment for the day, so that I can see them. Of course, my blood family too. Seeing them maybe twice, three times a month now, depending on what happens. It's just... different from what I was expecting, I guess. Or maybe I wasn't really paying attention to my expectations. I don't know.
It's not the greatest situation, but hey, who expected that when we moved out? Things were a little tense, and a little hard. And this is life. It's not supposed to be easy, is it?
I'm going to try to post a little more frequently. I've had a few ideas tumbling around in my head for a while, and have written up a little on one. So hopefully I'll manage to get them out soonish. Until next time.
Peace.
Gotta admit. I didn't expect everything that happened with this move. We've run into a lot of issues recently, and have been working through them. When we first moved in, my desk was in the living room, taking up a heck of a lot of the room. Last night, my girlfriend and I moved it into our bedroom, which now has about... maybe six square feet of uncovered floor. One of the issues we've had has been clothes.... We have lots. I never realised just how much clothing one person can have! And of course, trying to do that much laundry in one go around is very hard when you're hand washing and hang drying. The seriously limiting factor though is hangars - we don't have nearly enough. We need about a hundred fifty more - yeah, that's a shit-ton, but we both hang all our clothing up. Fortunately, I had a dresser waiting for the move in, so we've been using that to store some of our clothing. Of course, with all the dirty clothing, it's scattered. On the floor.
My OCD is killing me.
Our other roommate and I are both on the job hunt, which sucks. I recently got wind though of a job with the school district, where I worked before as a student. I applied and am hoping against all hope that I will get a call on that one, an interview, and finally get hired. Not the greatest money - it is a government job - but hey, a job's a job, and the school district isn't a bad place to work. We've run into some issues in the financial department too. My girlfriend was out of work for two weeks from jaw surgery - don't ask - and so things are a little hairy at the moment. Hence the desperate need for a job. Uck.
Brighter side though. I have several pieces of music equipment - mainly recording items - items that I couldn't exactly show my parents because of other issues. Nice thing about moving out, I can have them wherever I want now. My laptop's charger died about a week ago - completely died - so right now, my laptop is out of commission until we can get the financial situation back to the point where I can buy a new charger. This has put a strain on my ability to do anything recording wise, until today, when I finally got really tired of it and did some experimentation. The interface I have actually drops right in to Linux with no issues, but up until now, I've been having issues using it with Audacity. Today, I did some hacking around and made it work. I then spent part of the afternoon just revelling in the glory of it, studio headphones and all, listening to music. So much fun, I'm telling you.
Anyways. Something that has sort of plagued me about this entire move has been the loss of certain things. Not having my own car is very hard to deal with - having to rely on others to take me somewhere, or the bus system, which is either unreliable or simply too damned slow. With the financial issues, we've been having problems keeping a whole lot of food around, although certain friends are helping with that, little pieces. The other part, the part that I guess gets me the most, is being so far from certain people. My "surrogate" family - my (second non-blood) mother and (non-blood) sister live on the other side of town though, making it very hard to see them except on occasion. Fortunately, Mom picks me up after work occasionally (third shift) and will take me over to their apartment for the day, so that I can see them. Of course, my blood family too. Seeing them maybe twice, three times a month now, depending on what happens. It's just... different from what I was expecting, I guess. Or maybe I wasn't really paying attention to my expectations. I don't know.
It's not the greatest situation, but hey, who expected that when we moved out? Things were a little tense, and a little hard. And this is life. It's not supposed to be easy, is it?
I'm going to try to post a little more frequently. I've had a few ideas tumbling around in my head for a while, and have written up a little on one. So hopefully I'll manage to get them out soonish. Until next time.
Peace.
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