Rant 2

Day later. Yesterday is over - yesterday evening went incredibly. New day.

Began okay. Called Kara when I woke up, we talked for a while, got out of bed. Got down to the church about eight minutes later than I meant to, which meant that I had no time to check our the sound gear to make sure everything was functional. Go figure, of course, it wasn't.

Chalk up another piece of gear we need - another direct box. We currently have two, except one of them - the one that, of course, needs a battery replaced - decided that upon trying to replace the nine volt battery, part of the battery plug broke, meaning that I couldn't actually replace the battery. This is causing the direct box to short out and basically be a bitch. As a hack, we grabbed an amp, hooked the bass up to the amp, then ran the output from the amp into the direct box, and from there into the snake. It's a powered amp, which means it put through a hell of a lot of volume even down extremely low. I expected this, but not as much as we got. I had to adjust a lot to make it all work. On top of it, our lead guitarist was bitching at me the entire fucking time because things weren't working. So instead of getting my job done quickly and letting them get on with their fraking practice, instead I had to respond to him bitching. Just... ugh.

Then, turn around and talk to the pastor. He still hasn't read my bloody report - the one I wrote a week ago and have had up on dropbox since - the one reasoning out exactly why we need two thousand dollars to upgrade everything. So, instead of reading the report, he simply looks at me and asks how much it's going to cost. I tell him, straight out, and he looks at me with a look of almost disgust and says, "That's too much! You need to run stuff like that by me first!" Actually? Interestingly? No. You aren't one with all the power. The finance committee are the ones who make the final call. They have the report. They are the ones who make that call. Not you. I have a lot of damned good reasons in that report as to why we need this gear. Right now, I'm having to keep from calling the pastor an asshat on top of everything else...

It made for a very nasty service, and I was texting with Kara for half of it. She got the brunt of my emotions, therefore, which I don't like doing, but at least she can back me up on it all. That girl makes me the happiest person ever... and that takes work, seeing as it's me we're talking about. But even so, she barely managed to cheer me up, and I still wanted to just leave the church and not look back, ever. Unfortunately, that's not the first time I've had that want, either. Second or third, at the least. I don't know what else to do.

We need this gear. I have made it clear, and I don't know how much more I have to say to make it crystal. I'm not saying we need to use two grand to use two grand. No. I'm saying it because that's what we need to accomplish several goals. Not to mention... Pastor, you just had a new projector put up, which must have cost us at least a grand to do - between gear and labor? - must have cost a fair amount. And you're telling me that two grand is to much when we need it to upgrade a lot more than a single projector! Maybe you should have read the fraking report instead of just looking at me with that look of disgust and saying it's too much. We don't make calls like "I want to live stream all the services from this campus" without realizing that it's going to cost money. I told you that ahead of time, I thought I made it clear. Apparently not. I even gave a time frame in the report saying how to spread out the cost, so as to not need to do it all at once. But since you haven't read the report, how could you know that, much less know what it is? It's one thing to shoot holes in something after reading it. It's entirely another to not even bother to read something then knock it over - or for that matter using it to bash others...

Hmm, I can see an analogy in there to Christians as a whole... Right, where's that frying pan coming from and why's it aimed at my head...?

Anyways.

I keep track of a few facebook pages, one of which is Wipeout Homophobia on Facebook. The admin of that page posts images constantly, and other stuff. A spin off of it is Wipeout Transphobia on Facebook, and TForm. I, being who I am, of course support both fully. I have seen a lot of images on there of a man kissing another man in front of a bunch of anti-gay marriage protestors, two very burly men holding hands, etc. Used to make me feel a lot better, constantly, but now... Meh. Images. People being people. Love is love. Why can't people understand that? If there is really any god up there, or whatever, and it created humans in its image, then that means that it was either gay, or at least bi-curious... I mean, damn. According to all these different bibles, god was / is perfect. Um. Sure! Whatever you say. But if its perfect, then why do we have all these gay people running around? Mutations? If nothing else, that proves evolution theory. Bitches. But no. Going by the theory of creationism, we were just instantly created, and haven't changed since. Um... sure! Whatever you say.... That means that gay people were created in the process. So. What does that tell you? Something tells me that these people really have no idea what they're talking about - proven on a daily basis, unfortunately - and are fundamentally wrong. It is enough to drive others up a wall, across the ceiling, down the opposite wall, then up the perpendicular wall.

Yeah, I just did that.

I tried to believe in god. I really did. I tried to believe in the christian god. I prayed, more than once in my life. About random things. What got me though, was when I started to lose friends. To suicide. To car wrecks. These were kids - teenagers my age, friends. How can I believe in god after all that? How could any god take the life of a teenager - somebody who has so much to live for, who is trying to make a difference? I heard somebody tell me after the second car wreck that they needed them in heaven or whatever. I don't talk to that person anymore. How could a parent outlive their child? Yet I saw it happen four, five times in high school. How many more? I don't even know. Two of those were suicides - how could any loving god let that happen? I can't believe that. I cannot believe that there is a god out there who would let that happen. After that second car wreck, after my friend died, I quit believing. I no longer can believe. Whenever I tell a believer that, they give me a weird look, to boot...

Moving on.

Things to be fixed. Too much. Need a break from this insane world.

Until next time.

Peace.