Life happens

Been a while since I've done any kind of blogging...

Who am I? I don't really know. I do know, though:
-I'm nineteen. Almost twenty.
-I have a bi-sexual girlfriend. She's awesome, and puts up with me.
-I have the body of a male.
-I am Bi+Gender (and therefore a subset of Androgynous).
-I'm moving out of my parents' house soon.
-I'm a grammar "nazi". (I judge you when you use bad grammar!) [The one part of this language that tends to trip me up is the difference between who and whom.]
-I write. Whenever I have the chance.
-My life lies in technology and music.
-I am considering becoming a truck driver.
-I have a small group of friends, but they are the most awesome people.
-When it comes to family, I've got more "families" than any person should. Blood, and then non-blood.
-I am experimenting with some cross-dressing.

I'm not sure... But:.
-I think I can pull off looking female without any real gender change or use of hormones - my girlfriend says I need some make up to do it though. God, I hate that stuff. (One of my sisters asked if I had ever worn any - for the record - no.)
-Speaking of God. I am either Athiest... or Unitarian. (Maybe Humanist.) Still not sure.
-I think maybe moving to Louisville or Columbus would do me some good. I don't know.
-Still deciding whether technology really is what I want to go into as a career. Driving (a semi) would be fun.


For nineteen and a half years, I have lived as a male. But, over the past month and a half, maybe two months, my female side has been rearing her head. I've been subconsciously aware of the fact that I'm not totally male for the past, oh... Probably four years? My Sophomore year of High School (I'm in my second year of college now, didn't skip any years) was when I think it finally clicked. That was after almost two years of occasional research (mainly when the parents were out of the house and I could actually access the computer - and figure out how to keep them from seeing my search history!). My initial spat of research indicated that I was mostly androgynous - that is to say, neither male nor female... or... female and male at the same time. I decided I was definitely "both", because I exhibited traits of both sides. At that point, I didn't tell anybody about any of it, because a lot of said research indicated that being androgynous was socially taboo - as much so as being gay, lesbian, or bisexual. This rather frustrated me, as it was pretty much impossible to express exactly who I was.

After only a year or so of not acting on any of the instincts / urges, I found out about SecondLife (Yes, it's awesome. No, I'm not trying to advertise it). In world, I was able to be who I wanted, when I wanted. I went in as a girl, underage, but people thought I was at or above age, citing my "maturity". They didn't know who I was, what I was. This experience helped - and hindered - me. It helped in figuring out who I was in my head, and gave me some place to express myself without judgement. At the same time, it did the opposite, making me want to actually do more in real life, instead of on the computer. For three more years, I played in SL on and off, still not expressing myself in real life. To an extent, I wanted to try to express the female side, but at the same time, the logical portions of me said "HELL  NO." As those three years wore on, I got used to it, getting to the point where I was just fine with who I was.

Things changed finally. Once I was out of High School and into College, I got a real job, at a small IT firm. This lasted me about six months, after which I got so fed up with the stress that I quit. After quitting, everything changed (hate being stereotypical, but hey, it works) - again. I had the freedom I needed to explore more, and I found somebody who was not just willing to, but encouraged and helped me with this exploration. This brings us to the present.

This is who I am.